When a problem occurs, try to figure out what is happening and why. Remember to pay attention to the verbal and nonverbal cues. It is also important to be aware of your feelings and to manage them. Once you have figured out the cause of the problem, use a strategy such as A-B-C-D-E problem solving method or STARRS to guide you to a practical solution.
For joining a group, it is important to think about who you are talking to, the size of the group, and the availability of the group. For example, you would talk differently to a teacher than to your best friend.
Also, you would not expect to approach a group of people that you don’t know well, the same way that you would a group of close friends — think of Melissa back at the beginning of this session.
Remember to use Good Listening Skills
- Make eye contact
- Repeat for clarification and understanding
- Do not interrupt
- Pay attention to what is said and nonverbal cues
Use these strategies in order to…
…problem solve
A-B-C-D-E
Aim
Brainstorm
Choose
Do It
…control behavior
S*M*A*R*T
Stop
Monitor
Appraise
Reflect
Try
…control anger
STARRS
Stop
Think
Accept
Relax
Reframe
Solve
Remember to use Good Talking Skills
- Be clear and direct.
- Speak about yourself and your feelings (Use “I messages”).
- Stick to the point you want to make.
- Stay on topic.
- Don’t interrupt.
- Keep emotions in check.
Help yourself out:
- Pay attention to the conversation
- Watch and see how a situation changes (“assess”).
- Stop and change when things are not going well (“self-correct”).