One of the best ways to encourage your teen is to make sure that they understand the task that they are supposed to accomplish.
Here are some pointers for making appropriate requests of your teen:
- State your request positively: Tell your teen what TO DO, rather than what NOT TO DO. For example, say, “Put your things away” rather than “Stop throwing your things everywhere”.
- Remember the DEVELOPMENTAL age of your teen, not just his or her age in years: For example, it would be inappropriate to tell ALL 14-year-olds to do some jobs, such as babysit, change oil in the car or make dinner. These requests may be reasonable depending on the teen’s experience, skills, and maturity.
- Ask your child to do one thing at a time: For example, say “put your books away” instead of “put your books away, take your clothes to the laundry room, and wash up for dinner.”
- Break global commands down into easy doable steps: Rather than saying, “Clean your room,” start by saying, “Take the dirty clothes off the floor and put them in the hamper,” and then instruct your teen on the next step.
- Avoid using unclear commands, nonspecific statements or questions: Avoid using unclear commands (“Be good”), nonspecific statements (“Let’s do this together”), or questions (“Would you like to sit down?”). Make your requests clear and direct. For example, “I expect you to be home by 11:00 pm,” or “I need your help painting this coming Saturday.”