Melissa’s Video

Watch the video of Melissa and think about what went wrong and what she could do differently.

Try this exercise!

When you encounter problems in social situations, ask:

  1. What verbal cues did I notice?
  2. What nonverbal cues did I notice?
  3. What could I do differently in this situation?

Answer these questions for the video of Melissa you just watched.

Don’t forget to click “check” and then “next” to get to the next question!

Melissa’s Video: What Went Wrong?

Melissa overheard a two girls talking about a party. She stepped into their path to talk to them. Ashley told her that she was not invited (“I meant, everyone I know”).

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1. What verbal cues did you notice?

Ashley made several comments that could have let Melissa know that she did not want to be interrupted and was not interested in having Melissa come to her party.

For example, Ashley said:

  • Look, it’s going to be really crowded and I don’t think I can invite anyone else.

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2. What nonverbal cues did you notice?

Ashley and her friend made several gestures that could have let Melissa know that they did not want to be interrupted and were not interested in having Melissa come to the party.

For example:

  • Ashley looked confused when Melissa first approached her
  • Neither of the girls smiled at Melissa before she approached the group or while she was talking
  • Ashley and her friend frowned and folded their arms

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3. What could Melissa do differently?

In this video, Melissa was embarrassed by her interaction with two popular girls. Melissa could have improved the situation if she had avoided the girls altogether or had done a better job of reading the nonverbal and verbal cues. If she had paid attention to the nonverbal cues she would have realized that this group was hard to join.

There are several things that Melissa could do differently. For example, Melissa could:

  • Melissa could have thought about the ways that the girls might react to her interrupting their conversation and use the ABCDE method to come up with a different way to approach Ashley.

Melissa’s Video: What Did You Notice?

Melissa could also…

Use her S*M*A*R*T skills.

  • The first two steps, Stop and Monitor, are especially useful when in the moment. Melissa could Stop and Monitor if she is following her plan and the rules for asking a question and joining a group.
  • Next, she could Appraise the verbal and nonverbal cues of the two girls and…
  • Then she could Reflect on whether the situation is likely to turn out the way she wants it to. Melissa could consider what she knows about Ashley. Melissa could ask herself, “Is this person a snob, mean, nice, quiet, friendly, etc.?” Also, if Melissa does not know the girl it is not reasonable to expect that she would be invited to the party.
  • Melissa would then be able to choose a different behavior and Try it out. In the example in the video, Melissa could have left the conversation.
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