Another area that is difficult for just about everybody is romantic relationships. For example, if you are interested in another person, figuring out how to get things started and finding out if they are interested in you can be complicated. Skills you have already learned—like picking up on verbal and nonverbal cues—are useful here.
Social Behavior & Romantic Relationships
As mentioned before, romantic relationships have their own set of social behavior rules. These are things such as manners, timing, and appropriateness that may be expected and, if not followed, may be a problem.
The next video shows Braden trying to navigate his crush on Olivia. Watch the video to see how he’s doing.
Braden’s Video: What Did You Notice?
Braden’s attempts to text Olivia were unsuccessful because he had never really talked with her before. For closer relationships, it is important to get to know the other person first. Another reason the interaction didn’t go well was that Braden did not Stop and Monitor what he was saying or read the signals that Olivia was sending.
1. What cues did you notice Olivia giving?
Olivia was giving clear signals that she was not interested in talking to Braden. She did not reply to any of his texts. Sometimes people don’t say “no” directly, so this is something important to watch out for. We have to be careful to listen for and respect unspoken “no’s”!
Here are some ways people indicate a “no” to listen out for:
- They don’t reply to messages, or reply with very short answers like “k” or “lol”
- They say “maybe next time” or “maybe later”
- They avoid eye contact or seem uncomfortable
- Their friends seem reluctant to leave you alone with them
2. What nonverbal cues did you notice?
Braden can’t rely on his eyes to help him figure out what Olivia is feeling because they are texting. But if they were in person, he could listen to the tone of her voice, for pauses and for sounds that indicate confusion or frustration.
3. What could Braden do differently?
There are several things that Braden could do differently in order to set himself up for success.
- He could have asked his or her friends for advice about what to do
- He could have asked if he was making her uncomfortable
- He could have friended her on a social networking site
- He could use his S*M*A*R*T skills in social situations
Self-monitoring can be very helpful in situations like this.
By monitoring his social behavior Braden can become aware of how his behavior is fitting with the social rules. Unfortunately, Braden did not self-monitor and by continuing the way he did, Braden set himself up for rejection.
In relationships, a great deal of communication depends on listening and being aware of the verbal and nonverbal cues that are being sent. For example, listen to a person’s tone of voice. Do they sound angry, happy, or bored?
By monitoring his social behavior Braden can become aware of how his behavior is fitting with the social rules.
The following video shows what he does next.