Whether it is a conversation in the hall at school, on a basketball court, or at the mall, joining in can be hard. Here are steps you can use to make joining in easier.
First, evaluate the group:
Who?
If the people in the group are friends or acquaintances, they will be more likely to let another person join.
Size?
People alone and large groups (4 or more) are more likely to let another person join.
Open?
Pay attention to verbal and nonverbal cues to decide if the group looks open to new members.
Second, after evaluating the group, if you think the situation will allow for you to join in, use these tips:
- Wait until there is a break — You can usually find a gap in an activity or conversation that will allow you to introduce yourself or make a comment.
- Talk about the activity — Comment on the basketball game or conversation if you have been listening to it.
- Ask to join — This could be as simple as saying, “May I join you?” or “Is anyone sitting here?”
If the group does not look open, find another teen or group.
Braden’s Video
Try this exercise!
Braden did not do very well joining the group. In fact, the boy and girl he sat down with got up and left him.
In the blank below, list three behaviors that Braden needs to stop and two things he can do to improve. If you’re not sure, you can watch the video again.
Joining In…
There were some things Braden did not do well in the last video while joining a group. In the left column are some problems you may have noticed while the right column has ways to improve on these problems.
| Behaviors That Need to Stop | Ways to Improve |
|---|---|
| Braden sits down without introducing himself or asking if it is okay | Introduce yourself or ask if it is okay to join a group; wait until you are welcomed |
| He interrupts the conversation | Wait for a break in conversation instead of speaking up while others are talking |
| He does not pay attention to their verbal cues (“We’re kinda talking right now… and it’s kinda private”) | Recognize verbal cues from others — pay attention to what others say |
| He passes over the boy’s direct request (“Maybe there are some seats over there”) | Once you recognize the group may not be welcoming, don’t keep trying to enter the group |
| He tries to engage in a conversation and interrupts their conversation | Wait to say something until the conversation pauses and reaches a break |
| Braden ignores the non-verbal cues (both people are turned away, not making eye contact with him) | Recognize and pay attention to non-verbal cues |
You have thought about some of the things that Braden missed when he tried to join the group and some of the things he could have done to improve his interaction. Keep these suggestions in mind as you look at the new video.
See how Braden does a better job handling an encounter at lunch.
Try this exercise!
Braden managed the situation better in the second video. We saw several improvements that Braden made. What are 4 things Braden did differently about how he handled himself?