Having trouble controlling your temper sometimes? Try these five steps and see if it helps!
If you “Stop and Think”, you are less likely to do something that will get you into trouble
How does your body feel when you are getting angry? Maybe your stomach or shoulders feel tense. Maybe your face gets hot. These body signals help you to know when you are getting angry and know when it is time to Stop and Think!
Watch Sarah talk about the importance of stopping and thinking when she gets angry.
Accept that you cannot change what has already happened. Acceptance can be hard, especially when you are already angry, but acceptance can help reduce your anger.
Remember that once something has happened, you cannot change it. But you can change your reaction. You can choose what you are going to do. If you are upset about a problem it is harder to think about solutions!
“Holding a grudge is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” ~Anonymous
It is easier to accept things if you can relax. Look for physical clues that you are getting angry, such as tense muscles, fast breathing, rapid heartbeat, or clenched fists. These signs let you know that it is time to calm down.
Here are some things you can do to relax:
Belly Breathing can help calm your body down when you feel yourself getting upset.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation is another great way to stay calm.
Relaxing will help give you the time to calm down and challenge thoughts that might not make sense. Practice will also help you to recognize and change irrational and extreme thoughts.
Often, angry thoughts don’t make much sense when we think more about them.
For example, say your teacher gives you a lot of homework for the weekend. You can say to yourself: “She gave me a lot of homework because she hates me and wants to ruin my weekend.” This thought would probably make you angry and it’
Some words are bound to make you angrier. Absolutes like ALWAYS, NEVER, SHOULD, and OUGHT are more likely to make you angry because they make you expect more.
Think about the following example. Which is more likely to make you angry?
Watch Alex talk about the strategies they use to cope with their anger.
What if you have tried everything and you still feel angry?
Sometimes, you may go through the steps of Stop, Think, Accept, Relax, and Reframe, and still feel angry. That’s OK; just don’t take it out on others or yourself. If you can, give yourself time away from others. Get your anger out by exercising, writing, or drawing.
Sometimes, it might be necessary to talk with the person who made you angry. Later in this session we will teach you strategies for talking when you are angry.
Often, avoiding anger isn’t enough. Even if you stay calm, you may still have a problem to solve.
For example, you may have convinced yourself that your teacher doesn’t hate you, but you still have a pile of work that needs completed.
This is where the ABCDE problem-solving process comes in useful.
Ask your parents or other supports for help if you are having a hard time coming up with a plan on your own.