Why Yelling Doesn’t Work
When we are yelled at we hear the emotions rather than hearing the words. The message that we hear is that the other person is angry. We react to the anger not the words. Some typical ways that we react when someone yells at us is to yell back, leave, or try to get them to stop yelling. Yelling shuts down communication.
How to Avoid Yelling
If you are feeling angry, wait to talk to your teen. Calm yourself down by using relaxation strategies such as deep breathing or taking a walk by yourself to think things through before talking with your teen. Remember, you are modeling for your teen how they should respond to upsetting situations. Teach them how to cope with difficult emotions, keep their temper in check and problem-solve. These skills will help them in many ways throughout their life.
What to Try Instead of Yelling
Keep your cool and have a conversation with your teen. It is important to share your thoughts on the situation and to listen to your teen. Your teen may have very different thoughts and feelings than you do about a particular situation. We all have the right to our own opinion. However, as the parent you do have the final say and can choose to respond in several ways. You can choose to ignore it, problem solve a solution with your teen, or set consequences.
The “Broken Record” Technique
To help you remain calm and not yell or raise your voice think of how a record does not change inflection. In a very calm voice talk to your teen and like a broken record, do not change the tone or inflection of your voice. This will help you remain calm.