Often, we avoid conflict because we believe it will lead to divorce. It’s like the cartoon in which the couple explains to the marriage counselor, “We never talk anymore. We figured out that’s when we have all our fights.”
As newlyweds, we might avoid conflict because we believe that “being in love” is about agreeing. Later, we might avoid conflict because things get so out of hand and our fights are so upsetting that we shut down. After a bad blowup we might become even more determined to avoid conflict.
In successful relationships, couples discuss their differences in ways that strengthen their relationship and improve intimacy. They don’t let disagreements spoil their relationship. We don’t get married to argue and fight, but if a couple doesn’t learn how to disagree successfully, they won’t be able to enjoy their marriage. Often, couples are so determined to avoid disagreeing that they quit talking.