When people have asked if they can be of help to you, how often have you replied, “Thank you, but I’m fine.” Many caregivers are reluctant to ask for help. You may not wish to “burden” others or admit that you can’t handle everything yourself. However, others generally want to help.
It might be helpful to consider ways that others could be helpful. For example, someone could take the person you care for on a 15-minute walk a couple of times a week. Your neighbor could pick up a few things for you at the grocery store. A relative could fill out some insurance papers. When you break down the jobs into very simple tasks, it is easier for people to help.
The key is to not wait until you are overwhelmed or your health fails.
Tips on How to Ask for Help:
- Consider the person’s special abilities and interests—If you know a friend enjoys cooking but dislikes driving, your chances of getting help improve if you ask for help with meal preparation.
- Resist asking the same person repeatedly—Do you keep asking the same person because she has trouble saying no? This may seem like an easy option, but you may end up losing this reliable source of help.
- Pick the best time to make a request—Timing is important. A person who is tired and stressed might not be available to help out. Wait for a better time.
- Prepare a list of things that need doing—The list might include errands, yard work, a visit with your loved one. Let the “helper” choose what she would like to do.
- Be prepared for hesitance or refusal—It can be upsetting for the caregiver when a person is unable or unwilling to help. To the person who seems hesitant, simply say, “Why don’t you think about it.” Try not to take it personally when a request is turned down. The person is turning down the task, not you. The person who refused today may be happy to help at another time.
- Avoid weakening your request—”It’s only a thought, but would you consider staying with Alex while I went to church?” This request sounds like it’s not very important to you. Use “I” statements to make specific requests: “I would like to go to church on Sunday. Would you stay with Alex?”