The following sections provide information about how to tell siblings about the traumatic brain injury in a developmentally appropriate way.
What do you tell…
Preschool (Under the age of 5):
Children in this age group have a hard time putting their feelings into words, so they will likely show their feelings through their actions. They will be unable to understand the special needs of their sibling, but they will notice differences and try to teach their brother or sister.
Children of this age are likely to enjoy their sibling because they have not learned to be judgmental, and their feelings toward their siblings will likely be linked to “normal” sibling interactions.
Elementary School (Between 6-12 years old):
These children start venturing out into the world and become aware of the differences between people. They have the ability to understand a definition and explanation of their sibling’s special needs as long as it is explained to them in terms they can understand. They may worry that the disability is contagious or wonder if something is wrong with them, too. They may also experience guilt for having negative thoughts or feelings about their sibling as well as guilt for being the child who is not injured.
Some typical responses of children this age are to become OVER helpful and well-behaved or to become non-compliant in order to obtain a parent’s attention. Throughout this age span, the children will have conflicting feelings about their sibling. This happens in sibling relationships that do not include a disability, too.
Adolescents (Between 13-17 years old):
Adolescents have the ability to understand more elaborate explanations of the particular disability. They may ask detailed and provocative questions.
The developmental task of adolescence is to begin discovering oneself outside of the family. At the same time, conformity with a peer group is important. Therefore, for children this age having a sibling who is different MAY be embarrassing in front of friends and dates. They may feel torn between their desire for independence from the family and maintaining a special relationship with their sibling. They may resent the amount of responsibility, and they may begin worrying about their sibling’s future.
