Listening sounds easy but it’s not. Good listening can also be called active listening because it is an active process. It requires careful attention to what the person is saying. A good listener can connect the words that are said with the non-verbal cues to understand what the person really means.
Active listening also shows that you understand and care about what the other person is saying. It does not mean that you agree with what the other person says. It sends the signal that you are paying attention and that you are trying to understand him or her.
Tips for Good Listening
- Pay close attention to what the other person is saying. This is hard if you are talking at the same time or if you are already thinking about what you’re going to say. Take the time to hear what is being said to you so that your response makes sense.
- Sit still and face the speaker, maintain eye contact. This lets them know that you’re paying attention to what they’re saying.
- Ask them to clarify or repeat anything that is unclear or seems unreasonable. A good example: “What you are saying is important to me and I am really trying to understand, but I am not sure that I do. Can you please explain that to me in a different way?”
- Attempt to repeat what has been said back to the person speaking. By repeating what you have heard, any misunderstanding becomes clear sooner rather than later. (Example: “You said that you wanted to go to the early movie instead of the late one.”)
- Wait until the message is complete before attempting to comment. Do not interrupt!
- Pay attention to the cues and signals as well as the words spoken.
Remember: if you’re talking, you’re not listening.
Good listening can be tricky. Here is a chance to practice what you’ve learned.
Below are a few examples to work through. Try to decide which of the responses are examples of good listening and which are not. Remember good listening involves showing that you understand by reflecting the other person’s feelings.