Why Lecturing Doesn’t Work
Lecturing is a one-sided conversation. The parent who is lecturing their teen assumes that the teen has no worthwhile thoughts on the issue. The parent does all the talking and no asking. This approach likely will lead the teen to shut down and tune out. Think about how you react when someone lectures you. If you’re like most people, you probably tune out, roll your eyes, or mutter under your breath.
How to Avoid Lecturing
When you catch yourself assuming that your teen must have no information or ideas on a certain topic, stop yourself and remind yourself that your teen is a unique individual with their own preferences and opinions. Then start by asking them to share their opinion with you.
What to Try Instead of Lecturing
It is important to have a conversation with your teen that encourages them to share how they are feeling and thinking about a particular situation. By engaging your teen in a discussion you will be able to problem solve and negotiate the situation. In addition, asking for and valuing the opinion of your teen helps to enhance their self-esteem.