First, focus on the positives. If you are busy, you may only see your kids briefly during the day. It is tempting to tell them things you are concerned about instead of listening to what’s going on with them. You can probably guess how they will respond if you start grilling your teens as soon as they walk in the door: the conversation will likely be brief and probably not very positive.
We’ve talked about the importance of focusing on the positives in earlier sessions and it is relevant here as well. Use the tools you’ve learned to build a more positive relationship by:
- Listening more than you talk. Remember the rules of reflective listening
- Planning positive times together (that your teen will enjoy)
- Telling your teens the things you like about them, and that you enjoy spending time with them
- Choosing your battles. Give teens more control over negotiable decisions such as clothes, hair, music, and their room