Talking with your teen is just like talking to any other person. There are good ways and not so good ways to communicate—some ways will get your point across more effectively than others. Below are some key points to remember when talking with your teen (or anyone else). These few pointers on how to be a good listener can make a big difference in helping you communicate more effectively:
Good Listening
When you are being a good listener you are giving patient, thoughtful attention to your teen, which allows you to correctly identify the message behind the words and nonverbal behaviors, including feeling signals.
Empathy
A key component of good listening is empathy, which means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and trying to understand his or her way of thinking and feeling about the world, while setting aside your own reactions and opinions.
Feeling Signals
It’s important to pay attention to choice of words, voice tone, and facial-expressions that convey the feelings that the other person is experiencing. For example, a raised voice or a slamming door can be a signal of feelings of anger.
Underlying Message
The main idea that the person is trying to express through words or gestures is the underlying message. For example, the spoken message: “I hate math, I’ll never get it right” could represent the underlying message that the teen feels incompetent at math and believes that they are stupid.