Consequences help manage your teen’s behavior and they also help teach your teen an important lesson. Consequences teach your teen that his or her behaviors have results and that it is important to consider what will happen as a result of the choices that he or she makes.
In order for consequences to be effective and helpful, they must meet four (4) rules. They must be reasonable, set up ahead of time, agreed upon, and consistent.
1. Reasonable
If consequences aren’t reasonable they won’t work. Unreasonable consequences lead to parents giving in, which reduces the credibility of the parents and lets the teen know that the parent won’t stick to punishments. In order to give reasonable consequences you need to look at the behavior logically instead of reacting emotionally, appraise the situation, and think of an adequate, yet reasonable consequence for the action. If the consequence is not strong enough (“a slap on the wrist”) or is overly harsh (“throwing the book at them”), it will not be beneficial and it will not help the teen learn to follow rules or limits.
2. Set Up Ahead of Time
Making teens aware of the consequences of their actions BEFORE they choose how to act gives them control over the situation. They know what the consequences will be if they choose a particular action and they can make a choice knowing the consequences of each option. This prepares teens to be able to think through options in the “real world” and to realize that there is always a consequence to choices.
3. Agreed Upon
Having teens help decide on the consequences allows them to be part of the process and will result in them being more likely to comply.
4. Consistent
Consequences must be consistent or your teen won’t learn to obey rules and limits. If teens think that there will be no consequences or that the consequences will be dropped, they will likely not obey rules and limits. However, if consequences are consistent, teens will learn the cause and effect of behavior and that rules and limits are important.
Try This Exercise!
Are the consequences too strict, too lenient or just right?