First make sure that it really is a problem that you can’t ignore. Even though his hair or her messy room may make you crazy, can you learn to live with it?
If you decide that it’s something that needs to change, find a time with your teen when you can sit down together. Make sure it’s a time when the two of you are likely to be calm, relaxed, and ready to talk and problem solve together.
Remember, your child will be more receptive if you plan ahead rather than ambush them.
When bringing up the issue it is often helpful to use I messages. These statements provide a structure to help you avoid blaming or nagging your teen and instead share how you are thinking and feeling about the situation. I messages spell out what the issue is and your reaction to it. They go “I feel… when you…” For example, if Parker frequently fails to take out the trash, his dad could bring this up by saying, “I feel frustrated when you don’t take out the trash the night before it is picked up.” In addition, it would be helpful to explain the way the dad understands the consequences of the teen’s failure to take out to the trash. However, after the parent shares their thoughts and feelings, the parent needs to listen to the teen’s take on the situation.